What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting an apple and finding half a worm!

Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

I always knock on the fridge door before opening it... Just in case there's a salad dressing.

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

I used to have facial hair. But then it grew on me!

I have when people say age is just a number. Age is clearly a word.