Lead Like a Father, Not Like a Friend

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.” — Ann Landers

You’re not their buddy. You’re their leader.

Yes, it’s nice to be liked. But that’s not your mission.

If you’re doing fatherhood right, there will be days—sometimes weeks—when they’re frustrated with you. That’s part of the deal. Because being a dad isn’t about high-fives and snack runs. It’s about shaping humans who know how to face life with grit, character, and courage.

Kids have friends. They need fathers. They need someone who draws the line, holds the standard, and teaches them that love isn’t always soft. Sometimes it’s a firm no. Sometimes it’s showing up even when you’re exhausted. Sometimes it’s letting them fail and sitting quietly with them in the mess.

This doesn’t mean you’re a tyrant.
It doesn’t mean there’s no laughter or fun.
It just means you don’t trade long-term strength for short-term smiles.

A buddy avoids conflict. A father leans into it. A buddy wants to be liked. A father wants to build something that lasts.

Discipline isn’t punishment—it’s protection.
Boundaries aren’t mean—they’re love.
Respect doesn’t happen because you demand it—it happens because you model it.

When you lead with integrity, they see it. When you apologize after you screw up (and you will), they learn humility. When you push them to try again, they learn perseverance. That doesn’t happen when you’re the “cool dad” who always says yes.

Being their buddy is easy.
Being their father takes guts.

Lead the mission. Don’t chase approval. You’ll have decades to be friends when they’re grown. Right now, your job is to help them become adults who won’t collapse the first time life doesn’t go their way.

So stop worrying about being the fun one. Be the real one. Be the steady one. Be the one they’ll look back on and say, “That man showed me how to live.”