“Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.”
—Maria Montessori

Train Them, Don’t Serve Them

You’re not their waiter. You’re their father.

Your job isn’t to fetch snacks and fluff pillows. Your job is to raise someone who doesn’t need you to.

It starts small. Shoes. Backpacks. Milk. It’s faster if you do it. Cleaner. Neater. Less frustrating.

But every time you jump in, you send a message:
“You can’t.”

Want a confident kid? Then let them struggle. Let them try. Let them screw it up, and then—let them try again.

That’s the loop: try → fail → learn → repeat.
That’s training. That’s how you teach kids responsibility.

You don’t need a fancy parenting course. You need to stop tying their shoes when they’re six and stop doing their laundry when they’re sixteen. Let them step into the role of capable human.

Start with chores. Not as punishment. Not as “helping Dad.” As part of being a family. Here’s a list of age-appropriate jobs from Parents.com if you’re unsure. Even a toddler can carry spoons to the dishwasher. That’s not child labor. That’s self-respect.

School projects? Let them own it. If the volcano looks like a pile of mashed potatoes—good. That’s what they made. It’s not your grade.

Meals? Let them cook. Or burn something. Or forget the salt. There’s wisdom in failure.

There’s also freedom in handing over the reins. You’re not doing less. You’re doing it right.

Need backup? Read How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims. It’s basically a manual for quitting the helicopter-parent lifestyle and trusting your kid to figure stuff out.

Don’t do for them what they can do. Train them. Don’t serve them.

Let them feel the pride of solving their own problem. Let them earn the win.

That’s fatherhood. Not servanthood.
You’re not raising royalty. You’re raising a future adult. Treat them like one.